Not Quite the Arabian Nights
by GreyWolfandMoon
Summary: Sirius wants to ask Remus out on Valentine's Day. One day, he reads the Arabian Nights, and he has an idea - he can well be the next Scheherazade. Mostly fluff and silliness. SBRL slash.


**You'll need a summary of the Arabian Nights to better understand Sirius's plan:**

King Shahrya discovers his wife's adultery, so he pledges that he'll every day marry a virgin and kill her at dawn. Scheherazade, the vizier's daughter, volunteers to be his wife. Every night she tells him a story, and stops midway saying it's dawn and she'll continue the story the next night if the King will spare her. And so the king keeps Scheherazade alive day by day, as he eagerly anticipates the finishing of the previous night's story. At the end of 1,001 nights, Scheherazade says she has no more tales to tell him. But the king has fallen in love with her. He spares her life, and makes her his queen.

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own anything.

* * *

Contrary to popular belief, Sirius Black actually liked to read. Not flick-through-the-book read, but line-by-line-with-digestion read. Despite being hyperactive, the library in the Black family house had always been his safe haven. When his mother grounded him or when he didn't feel like seeing anyone, he would hide in the library and read to kill time. He read; from ancient magic spell books to modern wizarding comic books, from old rune prose to contemporary literature. So far Sirius loved muggle literature the most, not only because it would make Walburga burst another artery, but also because it was real _fun_. It was an unknown territory; it opened the door to another world, a world that was so distant yet so close to the conventional Wizarding World.

What also fascinated him was that love stories always had a happy ending, which was one reason why he was buried deeper in the fantastic world of imagination than ever. Unlike the Sleeping Beauty, who won the Prince's heart even in the state of a living dead, or Cupid, who could ignite the spark of love in the most cold-hearted person just by shooting an arrow, Sirius reckoned he was just another speck of dust in the eyes of Remus Lupin, his dorm mate and best friend for three years, and newly discovered crush of one year.

Sure, they talked and laughed and wrestled like normal friends, they went to the loo and showered together like normal dorm mates (or did they), but Sirius didn't think Remus ever saw him any different than the way he saw James and Peter. Sirius had thought of suppressing his feelings, but seeing that they had progressed into the fourth year of their magical education and hormones started to exert their effects on the teenagers, it was really now or never – he must either start wooing blatantly this millisecond before Remus had his eyes on anyone else, or set his heart on _not_ to have any more inappropriate thoughts about his best friend. It was quite a dilemma, really, given that Sirius had never wooed and Remus had ever been wooed, at least that's what Sirius thought.

Time passed by relentlessly, and Valentine's Day was in two months. James was already plotting his scheme to ask Lily out on that grand day, so Sirius felt he needed to do something too. Suppose he took James's advice ('two months can make a big difference, mate, act quick and you'll never regret it'), the only question was, how?

One day, Sirius read the Arabian Nights, and he had an idea.

* * *

'Remus?'

Sirius pulled up the curtains and crawled into the other boy's four poster bed. Remus was holding his wand like a torch, his other hand on the spine of _Fourth Year Potions_. The soft light from his wand tip filled the little space with warmth, and Sirius's eyes couldn't help but appreciate how light and shadow danced on Remus's curly brown locks.

'It's midnight, can't you spend your time on something else more meaningful?' Sirius mock-scolded, plucking the book out of Remus's hand and shutting it.

'Like what, crawling into someone's bed after lights out?' Remus yawned. He didn't snatch the book back.

Sirius positioned himself at the end of the bed, leaning against the wall so that he and Remus could face each other fully. 'Look, if you have difficulty sleeping with your brain stuffed with Slughorn and his slime, I have some bedtime stories to ease your mind.'

'Oh?' Remus looked amused. 'Do tell.'

'Have you heard of Alice and the Rabbit?'

'You mean Alice's Adventure in Wonderland? I have,' the corner of Remus's mouth twitched. 'I especially like Alice Through the Looking Glass for that matter.'

'Eh…' Sirius chose not to comment on the fact that he didn't know Alice Through the Looking Glass was a thing. After all you can't blame a fourteen-year-old wizard boy who had spent all his life in a magical household for having a flimsy grasp of the muggle world. 'That's great. I love it too. What about the Wizard of Ox?'

'The Wizard of _Oz_ ,' Remus corrected, a faint smile climbing up his cheeks. 'Yes, I watched the musical with Mum last summer.'

'Robinhood?'

'My all-time favourite.'

'The Prince and the Pauper?'

'I thought I told you that.'

'Right,' Sirius scratched his head. It's pathetic that his little plan had already failed dismally three seconds into action. 'Right,' Sirius said again. It would be cowardly to back out now, but he _had_ to say something. If it didn't work than he might as well bugger off and pretend this never happened. 'What about Ebony Black?'

'What?' Remus's eyes widened. 'Is that… one of your cousins?'

'Ebony… Black? Er, no, of course not,' he did not see that coming, but he enjoyed seeing the effect it had on Remus. 'She's the protagonist of a fairy tale. It's the beeesssst I've read so far. You've never heard of it?'

'No,' said Remus. He straightened his back, eyes huge and intent, like he was listening to McGonagall lecturing about a difficult theory.

'Well, what a pity,' said Sirius gloatingly. He cleared his throat and put a pillow on his lap, thinking fast. 'Let me tell you then. Once upon a time … ah, there's this Ebony Black. She had skin as tanned as ebony, her hair whi – silver like … silver, her lips as red as rubies. She –'

'Was she a black horse with white mane?' asked Remus confusedly.

'Wha –? No, she was just really tanned,' Sirius waved impatiently. 'She had a mother, but the mother died after she was born. So her father married a very ugly woman, who was a Squib and who liked to think she's pretty. Oh by the way, Ebony's father was the king, so Ebony was the princess, naturally.'

Seeing that Remus was listening closely, Sirius became more confident. 'The ugly woman liked to be best at everything. One day, she was preening in front of the mirror and she found herself a bit too pale for her liking, so she enchanted the mirror and –'

'Hold on, wasn't she a Squib?' Remus interjected.

'Yea, all the same, it's a story, after all. And stop interrupting me,' said Sirius. 'Anyway, she asked, "Mirror, mirror, in my hand, who's the ugliest in my land?" When the mirror replied "Ebony Black", she was over the moon because it meant she was better than her stepdaughter. So to preserve her glory, she ordered a knight to make her stepdaughter a mummy so she would forever be the ugliest–'

'But then,' Remus shifted, resting his chin on his knees, 'Ebony would need to die before becoming a mummy. Wouldn't the woman become the ugliest if she killed Ebony?'

'Ah, spot-on. That –that's a very good question.' Sirius's breath hitched. It was the most he could come up with on the spot, flipping Snow White from bottom to top, but he hadn't actually thought any farther than that. 'It's the whole gist of the story, so here comes the most exciting part. Aren't you burning to know what would be happening next?'

'Yeah.' Remus looked at him curiously. 'Go on.'

'Now, Remus,' Sirius clapped him on the shoulder, 'patience is what you need. It's rather late already, I'm afraid.'

Remus's shoulders sagged. 'Okay, goodnig –'

'But,' Sirius stopped him midway. 'I could spare one more night to finish the story, if you like. Tomorrow night, same time, yeah?'

'Can't wait.' Remus rubbed his eyes. Sirius's heart throbbed at his response. He tumbled out of Remus's bed before he could even say a proper 'goodnight' so that the younger boy wouldn't hear him snicker.

* * *

The next day Sirius spent the whole History of Magic class plotting the storyline of Ebony Black, and if anything, the moral of the story. Seeing the Binns was not yet done with his droning, he also came up with a handful of stories for future use and twisted them to various degrees so as to make sure Remus would not have read them already.

So that night, at the same time, on the same bed, Sirius continued his story of Ebony Black.

'… The Prince poured a bottle of vomiting potion down her throat. She woke up, choking out the slug that had been blocking her windpipe. They got married and had a bunch of little kids and lived happily ever after. And the moral of that is: be bold when it comes to love.'

'I see.' Remus bit his bottom lip contemplatively. 'Well, then, thanks for –'

'I am not done yet,' Sirius cut him off. 'In fact, I'm about to show you what would happen if you're not forward enough. In another story.'

Remus's lips formed an 'o' shape. Before he could speak, Sirius started his version of the Little Mermaid without preamble. 'A few thousand years ago, when Hogwarts was newly founded, and when the Black Lake was a mystery to the castle occupants…'

The crescent moon shifted, the stars poked out from the velvet blue curtains, Peter and James snored peacefully under the night planets. Finally, the flicker of light in Remus's bed came to a rest.

'… So the Mermaid climbed up the castle on two wobbly legs, and met a handsome young man. Do you know what happened next?'

'She fell in love with him,' said Remus without hesitation. 'Stories usually go like this.'

'Er, yes, um, not quite,' Sirius panicked a little, because that was exactly what was supposed to happen, but he needed to get Remus hooked on the story. To do that, he'd need a few changes to the plot. 'It's more complicated than the usual ones, so I think we'll stop for tonight.'

'Oh…'

'Ha! I know you're eager to know what happened next. Don't be disappointed though, wait for me tomorrow night and you'll know.'

'Actually I was going to ask you to rest a bit, you have dark circles under your eyes,' said Remus. 'But yeah, I want to know, if you don't mind.'

'Not at all, I'm more awake than ever.' Sirius resisted the urge to guffaw – Remus noticed his dark circles and asked him to rest! It was true that he spent the last two nights making up stories, but he was not going to tell Remus that. Smiling to himself like an idiot, he wished Remus goodnight and went to bed.

* * *

'… Then, surprisingly, he saw a dead frog on the road, so he said.'

Silence.

'Aren't you going to continue?'

'No. This is the end.'

'C'mon! This _cannot_ be the end! A story never ends with the words "he said" –'

'Ha! You're insatiable. Tomorrow.'

'Fine. Goodnight.'

* * *

'… The knight jumped on the roof in front of his bride and shouted –'

'I love you?'

'No he wasn't that stup –wha –?' Sirius's closed eyelids fluttered open. He looked at Remus, heart hammering fast.

'Did he shout "I love you"?' Remus repeated. He looked slightly embarrassed.

'Um –ah –he …' Sirius's mouth seemed to have detached from his brain and was moving on its own (which it usually did, to be fair). 'He…'

'Huh?' Remus prompted.

'I forgot,' Sirius snapped. He coughed, willing himself to stay calm, 'I mean, you interrupted me and I forgot. I need a night to recall what he said.'

'Right, sorry. Goodnight.'

'Don't be.'

* * *

'… Three dogs arrived on his doorsteps. One was huge and black, almost bear-like, one was tawny with a tufted tail –'

'What fun am I missing out on?' James's head poked through the curtains. 'You've been having this midnight talk for a month now.'

'Shut up and get out, I'm telling a story,' said Sirius peevishly.

'What story? I wanna hear.' James climbed in and sat between Remus and Sirius without invitation.

'As a matter of fact, it's almost the end.' Sirius cleared his throat. 'So the dogs frolicked, and they died of extreme happiness.'

'Oh, what a boring story,' said James disinterestedly. 'Come with me, Sirius, I need a midnight kitchen raid.' He pulled him out of the bed, just after Sirius had time to look up and mouthed 'tomorrow' at Remus, who nodded and waved him goodnight.

* * *

Two months had passed; Valentines' Day was round the corner. According to Sirius's theory, Remus would have announced that he would spare Sirius the trouble of coming over every night and invite him to stay in his bed instead, just like how King Shahryar fell in love with Scheherazade during the thousand nights and spared her life, making her queen. But he did not. Instead of eyeing Sirius more and more lovingly, he treated him with his usual friendliness, though his bloody faint smile did hang on his cheeks more than often.

What was more urgent was that Sirius was running out of stories to tell. After two months of crazily poring over books, even the most ridiculous and boring ones, and crazily racking his brain to twist them his way so that they either became unrecognisable or a hundred times more exciting, Sirius just couldn't come up with any more stories.

Depressed, disappointed and deflated, Sirius schlepped into Remus's four-poster bed the night before Valentine's Day.

'Hem, hem,' he fake coughed, fidgeting the hem of his pyjamas. 'Tonight, I'm going to…'

Remus cocked his head to the side.

'…Tell a story,' he finished lamely. Gosh, he really had nothing to say anymore. And tomorrow was Valentine's Day already, what should he do after that? Continue the story telling?

Fine. Fine. He'd do one more round and that's that. He couldn't bear to do it forever without tearing up and knowing that Remus did not return his feelings. The trouble of having a crush on your best friend is that you can't say 'I fancy you' outright without big consequences –you either become the best couple on earth or fall into the cycle of awkward avoidance, which sadly, is usually the case.

'So, once upon a time …' he winced, at his choice of words, at his recycling the clichéd phrase, at his lack of things to say.

He took a deep breath. 'Once upon a time, a little boy loved a black hood on him, so everyone called him Little Black Riding Hood. He…' Oh no. This was the most obvious he'd done. '…Loved wandering in the woods with his friends. One day, when he was out, he met a big wolf. Rumour had it that he was the Big Bad Wolf, and that he loved eating children. But Little Black Riding Hood found him different. The Wolf was funny, witty, charming, even. But he was quiet. So quiet that Little Black Riding Hood thought… thought he didn't want to play with him. So he left… ' his voice trailed off. Tears were threatening to spill out, but he closed his eyes for a moment and forced them back in.

 _This is your last night, Black, so try your best._

He inhaled, putting on his most radiant smile and asked mischievously. 'Do you know what happened next?'

Remus shook his head. 'I don't,' he said slowly, 'but I do know what happened with the Wolf.'

'You do?' said Sirius, completely stunned. Did he figure out it was Little Red Riding Hood already? Did he lose patience already? Did he want to get rid of Sirius already?

'I do,' Remus rubbed his hands together. 'You've told me enough stories, and I think… I think it's time I return the favour.'

Too shocked and scared to speak a word, Sirius nodded.

'The Wolf was upset that Little Black Riding Hood left. He was the greatest friend the Wolf had ever had, when all his life he'd been hiding in the woods, thinking no one would want to approach him, let alone play with him… So, determined that he wanted his friend back, he went outside the woods and to a big castle, where Little Black Riding Hood and his friends lived.'

Sirius blinked. He seemed to remember this was not what happened, not in the original Little Red Riding Hood anyway. But Remus was still speaking, his amber eyes reflecting the light from the wand, sparkling gold and silver and emerald.

'The Wolf was happy to find that Little Black Riding Hood and his friends welcome him. So he stayed …' Remus shifted, looking Sirius right into the eye, '… and it was the best decision of his life. One night, he was surprised by Little Black Riding Hood making a sudden appearance in his bed. "I'll tell you a story," he said, and he told him the most ridiculous version of Snow White he'd ever heard.'

Sirius's breath caught. _So he knew. He had known all along…_

'It was so funny that the Wolf was still inwardly laughing at it after he left and through the next day.' Remus chuckled, looking away and continued, more softly this time, in almost a whisper. 'He thought it was just an incident, and that it was the end of it, but it's not. Playing with each other in daytime is one thing, spending nighttime on reading and rewriting stories just for the entertainment of an animal friend is another thing…' He paused, twiddling a snagged yarn of his jumper between his fingers.

'But the Wolf isn't just an animal friend.' Sirius swallowed. 'He is the moon, the stars, the universe to Sirius Black.'

Remus's head snapped up and Sirius realised what he had said.

'You think so?' Remus said, his voice wavering a little. 'You told me all those stories –'

'The m-moral of Ebony Black is that, be b-bold when it comes to love,' Sirius said before he knew it. His heart was beating so fast that he could hear his heartbeats. 'The moral of The Dead Frog is, y-you make your crush say "stay"-' his breath quickened, he was sure he'd implode -'and the moral of The Knight on the Rooftop is, is to make him say –'

'– "I love you",' finished Remus quietly.

Sirius gaped. For Merlin knows how many seconds his mouth just hung there open and wouldn't close.

Remus tugged him closer so that their faces were just inches apart. He could hear Remus's pulse throbbing, he could see the pupils dilate, he could smell his soap and shampoo and sweat and everything.

'I love you, Sirius, I do,' Remus whispered. 'Will you go out with me tomorrow?'

Sirius answered by banishing the distance between them.


End file.
